APRIL 2025

I don’t know how to start this month’s recap. I’m still half asleep from an unexpected nap I took because my daughter threw up in the middle of the night, two nights in a row. Now whatever stomach virus she got, I got, because she learned that sharing is caring except she shares the things I DON'T want.

So I completed the prototype for the other gamebook project I talked about last time, yet it was only today did I finally gather the balls needed to ask my local library for playtesters. My introverted ass kept putting it off and off until my self-inflicted deadline of… the end of the month.

After I finished the prototype… I kinda languished for the rest of the month. It’s been hard to stay on track and many things have been piling on my stress. It all culminated this week where the amount of stress I’ve been experiencing has gotten me sick and my wife forced me to be bedridden yesterday.

I think I’m going to double down on unplugging from the internet for the rest of the month. Really try to double down and focus on getting stuff done. I need to get that presentation uploaded, I need to get the blade busters video done, and I’m gonna work hard to get the Zelda RPG done by the end of June. If I can get the Zelda RPG done and the other gamebook project done by September, I’ll consider that a successful year in terms of productivity and releases. 

That’s all I got this month. I know it’s not as detailed as I usually am, but I guess that speaks more on how tired I am. This month I’ve been feeling so burnt out on life in general. My family keeps me breathing at least, and there’s… SOMETHING that keeps me nudging forward on all these artistic endeavors. I don’t know what that thing is, motivation doesn’t feel right cuz I’m too depressed to feel determination. 

In Xenoblade news, I got the flight module. I don’t know if my brain had been so fried from the stress, but using the flight module for the first time, witnessing my skell fly seamlessly from NLA to Primordia with no loading screens, flying around with such an overwhelming sense of freedom while cheesy music about letting go of your sorrows-

It brought tears to my eyes. After I landed, I didn’t sob, my eyes just watered uncontrollably for at least an hour cuz I was just so overwhelmed with this sense of joy and peace. It sounds so sentimental I know, but for all of Xenoblade X’s faults, especially the shitty music, it’s such a sincere game that’s not afraid to wear its emotions on its sleeve. That level of honesty definitely contributes to how corny it can be, which would definitely be off putting to westerners and today’s irony-poisoned population. But I think we need more unapologetic stories like that now more than ever.

We need stuff to remind us what it means to feel things instead of being numb to everything.